A Prayer for Dawn

***

Where the florid chinar leaves blissfully swayed,
Amidst their distinct din, gleeful children played;
Where creation's palette chose to paint a panoramic fantasy,
Yet Time, the leveller; and the rubble-remains of history.

'Twas a betrayal of hope, premature death of dream,
A bitter saga of sobs, 'n sighs, 'n screams;
The bliss of life swept away in a calamitous flood of violence,
Abandoned abodes, fear of death, and an eerie, gnawing silence.

The foresaken paths and the pallid flowers quiveringly beckon
Come back my innocent dwellers, the defeated deserters gone,
That time's a healer, change manifests, the storm shall eventually go,
So that the seeds of love, trust & joy - once again we may sow.

The night's been long, we pray for the dawn,
For scars to heal, the curse to abrogate, and spring to soon come;
For the cacophony of guns to give way to the innocent giggles of children,
So the infants may be privileged to inhale - that blessed fragrance of freedom!


Afterthought:
Though the inspiration is derived from the plight of Kashmir and Kashmiris, yet one'd feel there are so many others, spread across geographies who would feel the echoings to be familiar.. For, may be, this is a story of blood-brothers engaged in blood-baths, under the different nomenclatures of jihad, freedom-struggle, revolution, terrorism, etc. where the ultimate martyr is ironically, INNOCENCE...

On Bonding - a small poem

Sometimes words wouldn't seem to suffice-
Whence, silence & gestures are employed,
. . . . to fill in the voids...



For, words, at times may yearn to wear,
More than merely meaning,
Yet, the thoughts seldom cease to betray,
What the encumbered soul does fail to say.



For, more things in our lives,
Than you and I, maybe conditioned to believe,
Are ushered by, what for us, 
Others - wish and pray.

about a movie called Hazaaron Khwaishein Aisi

...yesterday, I watched Sudhir Mishra's new film, Hazaaron Khwaishein Aisi, and the overwhelming experience coaxed me into writing this blog giving me an excuse to extol about the movie..
To begin with disclaimers, it's not a song 'n dance story, neither a triumph of good over evil; the protagonists are neither heroes nor villains, mere mortals. While it can be deemed political, yet it doesn't make noise, doesn't malign, seldom judges, and raises more questions than provides answers.
If it hasn't confounded you yet, lets carry on..

The title is lifted from a Ghalib's couplet about the limtlessness of desires:
'hazaaroN KHwahishaiN 'eisee ke har KHwahish pe dam nikle
bohot nikle mere armaaN lekin phir bhee kam nikle'


Hmmm, so whats it about anyway, the uninitiated may ask?
The central characters are a bunch of youth(two guys 'n a girl) from a prestigious college, on the road to realize their ambition/calling while trying to discover their own selves, all of which is in a state of flux, perhaps a reflection of the era (turbulent 70s, emergency, socialism, disenchantment...). They take separate paths, but their paths do meet often. The girl is the link. They are all single-minded in their pursuit of what they deem as their desire or calling. Yet they are vulnerable, have a softer side and are more victims than perpetrators.
The period is just before the beginnning of the caste wars in Bihar. The opression, belief in fatality, police brutality are well portrayed. The climax is ironic and evocative.
Its an intelligent movie, thought provoking 'n intense. Such powerful stories are narrated only once in a while, not to speak of the ensemble that breathes life into it. The jokes are often intertwined with ironies. It disturbed me just as much as it overwhelmed me..

the night's lullaby

Have you ever tried to listen to the song of the dark night?
Does it whisper something in your ears, bewitch you with its lullaby?
Does it unchain your deepest hidden feelings?
Does it fuel your desires- of longingness, of escaping away somewhere, anywhere?
Does it soothe you with its solitude?
In the night, when all the worldly attachments leave you on your own, do you try to gather your broken bits, dust them and glue them together, in order to brave again the whiplash of the world when the dawn breaks and the mortal combat begins??
Does the night empower you, grant you freedom to dream aloud, sans interference, sans the apprehension of getting caught by voyeristic eyes 'n getting embarrased?
Does its vastness humble you, makes you lose your ego, your mask, the colours that you've deliberately painted upon yourself 'coz it reflects nothing, merely absorbs!
When calmness settles, and the solitude 'n stillness engulf your surroundings, do you look for your bruised self buried in the mortal remains of the day, nurture it with solace?
In the night, does your belligerant poetic soul rebel to break free from the shackles of mundane being, struggling to contribute a verse or leave its signature in the vast cauldron of cosmic chaos?

CONFESSIONS of a BORN SPECTATOR - A Poem

The land of glory, antiquity, the land of religion,
The land of apathy, passivity, the land of corruption;
The land of colours, contrasts and omnipotent politicians,
The land of gullible masses and powerful magicians;
The land of snake charmers and ‘sacrificial offerings’ at the altar
The land of magic, mirage and vagrant breeze from the stars;
I’d see no evil, neither hear nor speak, for I harbour no plans to be another martyr
Have no confusion whatsoever please; I’m merely a detached spectator.

4000 years into trade, we’ve a ‘sale’ tag for practically everything-
Be it any qualification, opportunity or even our own offspring,
‘What you are seeing has already occurred,’ Krishna once revealed-
So perhaps goes the truth behind matches, elections being fixed;
‘All the world’s a stage,’ I was told, but I know its best actors
I dedicate these lines to thy name, I chant thy prayers,
Pelt no stones at me, sons of Gandhi, I’m not the whistle-blower,
What shall I do to make this clear, I’m only a detached spectator?

Where they fight for food, for God, even for love and peace
Where fighting epitomizes survival, fighting finally for the place to 'fall asleep’,
Where water and bread are dear, yet life comes cheap
And waiting to die of enemy’s nukes, poverty and disease may set your soul free.
Yet be not surprised so soon, mon ami, there are many more to come-
It's all about magic and mirage, didn’t I tell you simpleton?
Unnerve me not by those grudges jehadis, I know not any kind of warfare-
I said it once, I yell it again, I’m merely a detached spectator!

Where truth goes into hibernation every time money rises to speak,
And the jingling of coins is undoubtedly the best sound of music;
Where ascetics from the high thrones of their palaces do preach
And 330 million gods and goddesses dictate the way we live.
Where sun shines unevenly yet for some there’s always spring
But at dusk they all come to Ganga, to absolve their every sin;
Mercy! I plead judges, condemn me not unto the beast, I am no gladiator,
And I’m neither a mirror that may dare to reflect; just a trivial, dumb spectator.

Spare me movers and shakers, can’t be thy blue eyed boy,
I get dizzied by those skyscraper heights, let me be a small fry;
Oh, Rama, Krishna, be off to sleep, and to open your eyes, not you dare
Be not puzzled, I tell you, 'twas probably just another nightmare;
The poor hungry and ailing, the rich gobbling in mouthful
And the smiling Buddha’s proud portrait proclaims, `all things bright ‘n beautiful’;
Impertinence no more, shelter me my lords of jungle, I’m no traitor,
Rest assured, I’ll always be what I had always been - a harmless detached spectator!
(Had penned this satirical piece long time ago! Thought I'd share it here!)

Of voice, emotions and the ensuing train of thought!

Was just listening to this song by Shubha Mudgal from Raincoat: Akele Hum Nadiya Kinare. It's about the lament of a rural woman waiting/pining for her lover. There's a distinct feeling of loneliness, helplessness and pain emanating from the voice. It made me think over the suitability of voice and its correspondence with the type of feeling expressed. Shubha Mudgal has a very deep throaty voice with a certain earthliness and rustic charm, which is quite different from the melliflous, almost perfect voices of Lata & Asha, the stalwarts of female playback singing in Bollywood films. I do wonder whether Lata could have conveyed the feeling of heartache in the aforementioned song in a more convincing & effective way. If you have watched Raincoat, you will agree that it blends with the rustic and earthly image (of characters, situation, etc.) portrayed in the movie.
Also, is it that, to convey the same feeling of genuineness, female folk singers are preferred to have that throaty and rustic voice? Examples may be Sapna Awasthi, Shubha Mudgal, etc. If this is actually true, I can also think of examples of male playback singers in films. S.D. Burman's voice in the song Mere Sajan Hain Us Paar from Bandini as well as Kahe Ko Roye from Aradhana, and more recently Bhupen Hazarika in Dil Huum Huum Kare from Rudali; in all of them the feeling of sadness comes out very genuinely and evocatively.
There can be counter examples- like Lata's Aye Dil-e-Nadan from Razia Sultan or Asha's Yeh Kya Jagah Hai Dsoton from Umarao Jaan, but then it can also be argued that a princess' (in the former case) or a famous courtesan's (in the latter case) voice cannot be expected to be rustic, even to convey pain; they ought to possess that edge of unattainable honeyed smoothness even in their suffering!
Would the opposite of this hypothesis also hold true i.e. voices that are not very throaty and rustic/earthy wouldn't be most effective in conveying feelings of joy/happiness?
Does the voice goes better with image(e.g. rural/peasant like = rustic/throaty) or with feelings(e.g. throaty/rustic = suffering, heartbreak) or is it that there's no pattern/link at all? Is there a psychological connection? If yes, can it be exploited to obtain a mapping for predicting psychological behaviour depending upon input voice?
Perhaps it may sound absurd, perhaps thought provoking but at this point of time I can't help being swayed by a train of thought!

The Brainfever Bird- Book Review

Recently finished reading this novel called: The Brainfever Bird by Allan Sealy. Thought i should write something about my impressions. To me this isn't a book where you go rushing on the highway of reading at 60 /70 pages an hour. It has a languid charm which beckons to be absorbed as opposed to be observed. It's about relationships: some named, mostly unnamed/un-nameable!
On surface, it is about a redundant Russian scientist's sojourn into India hoping to sell his expertise in bio-weapons; however, the plot often takes a backseat. What contributes to the novel's distinctive edge is the intense and poignant portrayal of personal conflicts, all puppets, so elegant in their external embroidaries, yet helplessly being swayed in the sinister drift of circumstances. No wonder, then, the leading lady, the novelist's muse is a pupetter by profession , and may be, prophetically nomenclatured as Maya. Of all the characters she is the most interesting as well as the most unstable one. She is full of contradictory vibes and yet draws admirers like moths to the flame, willing to plunge themselves in the vortex of her dangerous, fragile self. She is subtly compared to Razia,the warrior princess and the only female ruler of Delhi, although able yet brought down by her enemies. Living in Old Delhi, at stone's throw from Razia's tomb, she tries to come to terms wit her past while discerning her future.
Allan Sealy's words have the fluidity of prose. There are some really wonderful imageries , strewn unevenly across the story! Some excerpts from the book:

"Youth is a country. I used to live there. The inhabitants are deterimned to emigrate, exiles long to return. But the borders are sealed, as if plague had broken out there and the United Nations had sent highly paid soldiers to patrol the passes."..
* * *
.. ... The battle of the kings was the climax of the show. All puppets fought, a child in the audience learnt: that was their nature. They danced and they crowed and they fought. ....... How the kings fought when all their men lay dead! Here was their essence, in this eternal turning and hurling of oneself at the other, so that every terrible thump turned to flesh and bone the cottony wadding you knew inside, turned also the birdlike cries into a voice which could easily be yours, thinned and twisted in pain. Till you saw that the strings by which they swung, far from being the proof of their unreality, as your older cousin whispered, were the very stuff of their suffering. The pain was in the strings. But what if ( and this thought pricked you hard so you woke up and lay their staring with your hands clapped in your ears) what if some of the people in the audience who had sat watching with you, who brushed your arm or leaned against you, were also puppets- had cloth in them? What if- impossible! someone in your family...? And then your eyes went quite round with terror as the possibility sank in. What if you yourself were a puppet?"
***

A poem about unrequited love!

From the archive of memories:

An image that beckons to me, a silhouette on the sand,
An oft recurring déjà vu, I reach out- to gather…..mere emptiness in my hands;
A mystical laughter, that mesmerizing gaze-
Spellbound by hypnotic eyes, driven on a wild goose chase.

I call for you in all directions, from the middle of this void,
Smouldering in a cold fire, I look up to the skies;
You haunt me in my dreams, but vanish just as I open my eyes,
You offer me dreams of paradise, yet desert me on the wild.

Despite being your source of solace, why subject me to this cruel irony?
Dispel this despair enshrouding, subdue this agony.
For, this is what I hope against hope, battle against time-
Why am I paying this penance, have I committed any crime?

A thirst unquenched, a soul unkempt, and teardrops in weary eyes,
Prying eyes unnerving, an ever increasing yearning, and flickering is that old fire;
A smile forgotten, a rickety, forlorn sigh, is all I’ve left with me
First fate tricks, and now, are you trying to play games with me?

And wait will I, just as I had been, waiting unto death,
Shed if you please, some tears, when I’d draw my last breath;
And fade will I, first, into dust, then, from your memories, into the oblivion
And dwindle into a twinkle, an insignificant little star, far, in the horizon.

But if you thaw, somehow, glance back for a certain someone,
You would notice me waiting, outside your hallowed portals of heaven;
And ages hence, when still the winds would blow, and rivers would flow-
In this same month of spring,the breeze may decide to sing-
The trees too, with the breeze, may echo our stories,
And then, you & I would be- two frozen footprints in the archive of memories!

venerable vermin seeks to begin!

You're searching, Joe, for things that don't exist; I mean beginnings.
Ends and beginnings -- there are no such things. There are only middles.
-Robert Frost

It's a wrong place you have come searching. I'm no torchbearer, no hero, no celebrity.
I dwell in anonymity, in the dark dungeons of my nebulous thoughts. In the grand
cosmic game, i'm no king, no bishop, no mover or shaker, but a mere pawn; a puppet
rather than a pupetteer. In this 'animal farm', I'm merely a vermin, sitting on the fence,
keenly observing the worldly spectacle. And yet i'm no ordinary dot, to be so easily effaced from the realms of existence. Quite proficient in juggling the masks, so rather a venerable vermin!

Ah, my Belov'ed fill the Cup that clears
To-day Past Regrets and Future Fears:
To-morrow!--Why, To-morrow I may be
Myself with Yesterday's Sev'n Thousand Years.

-The Rubaiyat of Omar Khayyam